Daryl

If I were on the Walking Dead I would be trying to be by Daryl's side constantly lol. He is my crush on the show. I really appreciate how his character has developed. He is so tough but has the sweetest heart! You can always count on Daryl!

My Opinion About Their Future

This is a continuation of my prior post about the Walking Dead characters Rick and Michonne.
My personal opinion is that they will not become a steady couple. I think the sex was more about a release of tension/a bonding experience because of all they have been through together and they needed a way to express how they truly feel about each other and words just couldn't do it.
I think their love is a friendship love rather than a husband and wife love -they will probably have sex for a bit but I doubt they will mate long term however, the writers could totally surprise me .
I am curious to see their futures!

I'm Not So Shocked

I'm really not that shocked that Rick and Michonne had sex on The Walking Dead.  They have been through thick and thin together, they are best friends that have had each other's backs through it all, they are both strong leaders and they truly understand one another, also they are in constant close proximity due to it being the zombie apocalypse.
All that tension um It was gonna happen sooner or later !
Entertainment can be healing and I watch the Walking Dead for no other reason than to be entertained.

My Forties

I am deciding to be more natural as much as possible in my forties. I have lost so much of my Arizona tan but this is me with no makeup. It's a big deal for me 🙂

Musical Healing

One of the many gifts I have received from meeting my dad and his side of the family is being able to understand where my love of music came from.
I have always loved music and singing despite being told repeatedly that I couldn't sing well.
My whole family on my dads side are musicians and most of them compose their own music and lyrics. This includes the women as well. My grandma was a singer and guitar player and she helped to teach my dad as he was growing up.
My dad has been helping me and encouraging me with my love of music and it has really been so healing and has opened up a whole new world for me.
I discovered that I can sing if I sing my own songs. Trying to copy other people's voices and rhythms result in my failure. I can sing my own songs and play my own music!
The music you listen to has great power and it can even change the structure of your dna. Look this up sometime if it interests you, there are many articles and videos.

I'm back to talk more about healing because for me this is my lifelong responsibility.
I recently have been participating in the Daniel Fast from the bible. This of course is not the first time I have abstained from meats but I have had a rough time for a variety of reasons. The main reason I struggle is because I am a food addict and I have sustained my life through ingesting anything that my mind and body crave.  My body has become accustomed to enjoying the flesh of animals whenever I want.
I dont believe that we shouldn't eat meat however, I strongly disapprove of the way animals are treated. They are suffering in this sick system that has been created and I don't agree with it.
I continue to try to rid myself  of the need to ingest animals who have suffered and lived in misery their whole lives.
I do value my own life of course but I do not believe that these animals are here just to satisfy me.
With knowledge comes responsibility and I just can't keep supporting this type of cruelty.
This video is just one example of how sick our society is.  Yes, turkeys are difficult and they will fight for their lives (anything breathing does) but it does not mean that they or any other animal should have to endure this nonsense.

Remembering

When I was a child I had a family friend whom I called Aunt Ruth. I was thinking about her today :)
She was blessed with the ability to grow the most beautiful, fragrant, velvety roses.
On my birthday she would present me with one of her finest, largest, red roses. I always looked forward to receiving one, it made me happy and always made me feel so special!
Not everyone got a rose like that, let me tell you. She didn't give them away to everyone.
Also, I have yet to find roses in the store like her homegrown beauties. You can't find a rose like that in the store.
I am so grateful to have this memory. Wow, I was honored with the best of the best :)

:D

Deep

That Feeling

That feeling that comes over me when I realize just how twisted and confused my mind has been about certain things!
When my mind is twisted and distorted my behaviors are obviously going to show it.
Tell me how I have been able to open up in the past to share my body sexually with someone when I was not even able to do natural human activities around them comfortably?
If I am not able to poop with you in the house or pass gas or burp when I need to why would I think it is ok to have sex with you?
Sex is the same as any of these other things that we simply need to do is it not? Sex is simply a need that the body has, a natural function.
It is society's stupidity that has twisted it into something more, something dirty or something to be obsessed about.
From now on I am only going to open up sexually to someone with whom I am able to be completely human with.
If I can't burp around you, if I can't bleed once a month comfortably around you then I sure as heck don't need to be sticking my tongue in your mouth.
Oh and this one is huge...if I can't sleep when you are around me ir in my environment lol then there is absolutely no sane reason for me to be messing with you.
These hang ups are my problems and I am taking responsibility for them as of today.
It's all or nothing darlin :)

Oh How I Love This

All Time Favorite

One of my all time favorite love songs :)

This Is It

How is it possible to narrow all the choices down to one favorite movie scene when there are so many to choose from?

I have done it though. This is definitely my all time favorite movie scene.

Control

Whenever too many things are happening in my life that are out of my control (which is quite often) I take my control back if possible.
How?
Rather than focusing on what is out of my control I choose things that I have complete say so over and put my attention only on them.
For example, I have a lot going on right now so tonight I completely rearranged my closet and organized my bedroom a bit.
3 glorious hours of only being focused on this activity gave my mind a much needed break from my troubles.

Thoughts About This Quote

I thought about this quote for a bit...

I decided that yes this is true.  It doesn't seem like that big of a statement until you really think about it for a bit.

How many friends do you have that actually still love you when you stop feeling things that you have always felt or start feeling things that you have never felt before in their presence?

Will they still love you if you aren't exhibiting any loving feelings towards them? What if u are feeling like you can't relate to them or that you don't like them or want to be around them anymore? Will they accept the way you feel and still love you?

Will the friendship survive, will the love remain through disinterest, hurt,seperation etc?

There have been very few people in my life who have actually just accepted me despite whatever I am feeling or not feeling. 

Obviously most people can handle my nice side but cannot or will not survive my mean/cold side. It's all good as long as I am smiling and telling them they are the best but the minute I pull back and feel a negative emotion or feel a lack of warmth towards them that was once there, all crumbles.

My cold side is just as intense as my warm side. When I feel I really feel and I allow myself the freedom to feel all my emotions rather than just a select few.  

 I cherish those moments and those people that love me through it all no matter what.

Unknown Reasons

Sometimes an event will happen that causes me to be brought into that mental and spiritual space that I would describe as The Humbling.
Just when I think I am pathetic, useless and don't have any real and lasting effect on those around me an event will happen that causes me to re-think it all.
The described event in which I am speaking of causes me to feel as if I am meant to be exactly where I am at at that exact time.
When I experience this I always feel humbled as well as completely mind blown at the same time.
I had an event like this happen to me last night.
I am going to write of it in my personal memoirs so that I will never forget it.

A New Favorite

I recently heard this song and adored it instantly.
I am so impressed with the purity.
The ultimate feel good, fall in sweetly innocent love song :)

Blind Obedience

I feel that part of the healing process requires us to question everything.
Who are you obedient to and why?

love it

Depression Again I Thought I Was Over It

I noticed a few days ago that I had let myself slip into depression again.  I believe this is because I have gotten out of my self discipline routines.
I moved recently so I am out of my regular environment which means I completely dismissed all of my regular routines.
Sometimes dismissing routine can be good for me but not so much when these were what was helping me feel healthier.
I feel this overwhelming need to get everything back on track but the depression and sickness I am feeling hinders me from taking the actions I need to take.
I feel like starting to write in this blog again just might be the first step towards not accepting this depression back into my life.