Tuesday, April 30, 2013


Could dancing like this possibly be where the name belly dance came from?  Hmmmmm I wonder.  Awesome dancer!

Master Cleanse Day3 -Failure

Sorry readers but I am getting ready to fail the master cleanse.  I am going to eat then I am going to take a nap because I have only had a few hours sleep.  Then I am going to work on my final projects.

Better luck for me next time.  Not a total failure because I got two full days in.  Hopefully I do better next time :)

Master Cleanse Day 3-upon awakening

I really wish I could tell you how great I am feeling.   The truth is I am just extremely irritated.  I am trying to remain positive by looking up all the benefits of cleansing.  I know I am doing what is needed but I am still just so grouchy.
I can't stand the thought to know that this is who I am inside the minute I do not get to indulge my every whim.  I have known for a long time that I have a tendency to be spoiled with certain things but this is craziness.
I used to fast quite often but it was always dedicated to my creator.  When I did this my moods were much more pleasant and I would even serve others food while I was fasting.
I have prayed a little but not nearly enough obviously.  I don't know but something isn't right if I am resisting this so much.  I really need to check my motivations and get my mindset right.
I am doing this for my own well being so that in itself could be an attitude changer and a motivator but the truth is my body and mind are just fighting this whole process.
A lot of it might have to do with timing.  I am under a lot of stress to get my finals completed.  If by tomorrow I am not feeling better I am going to break the cleanse because I cannot risk screwing up my finals because I am hungry and irritated.  So that is what I have decided.  I will give it a go today but if tomorrow I am still feeling so irritated that it is getting in the way of my studies then I will have to stop the cleanse and complete it after my finals.
Actually upon stating this I felt a lot better.  Why?  Because I realize that I am willing to listen to myself and do what is best for me regardless of what anyone else thinks.  Learning how to be on my own timing and rhythm is so very important.  No one else knows but me if continuing this cleanse at this time is what I need to do.
However, because I have been through this process before I am aware that getting through the 3rd day is extremely important for me.  Usually once I am past day 3 I am alright so I will just wait it out to know what decision to make.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Chilling truth-Flowers in the Attic

I read the book Flowers in the Attic when I was just a child.  Little did I know that the story I was reading was true to life.
In the book the grandmother slowly poisons the children by putting arsenic etc. in the sugary treats she gives them.  Eventually the mother poisons her own children too because she wants to save her own skin and remain in the elitist family that she was born into. 
More true to life than what you may realize ;) 
I tried to find a clip of the grandmother lacing the cookies but couldn't find it. Cathy is the oldest daughter who is one of the children being poisoned.  When she discovers what her mother has been up to she flips out on her.
The movie is great but the book is better :)

Coconut Oil Fan

I am a coconut oil fan.  I started using it about a year ago for cooking.  Popping popcorn in it is like not other-pure heaven!  Also I use it on my hair and skin.
I was pleased to find out that it can also be used as a laxative so I will be using it during my cleanse at night. 
There is tons of info available about coconut oil.  Did you know that it even helps prevent Alzheimer's and studies have shown even reverses symptoms in Alzheimer's patients?
Research it and you will be surprised.


On a side note

A lemon seed was accidentally in my lemonade and because it was in my mouth and I am so hungry  I chewed it up and ate it LOL.  Then I was like, "Really Kathy do you have to be so dramatic?"

Master Cleanse Day 2-End of Day

It's really not the end of my day but it is close enough.
I am feeling really annoyed and frustrated.  I have done nothing but regret being on this cleanse all day.  I am so hungry that every single thing seems like a good thing for me to eat which is bad because before the cleanse I was actually making halfway decent choices.

Really it's just that when someone who loves to eat has to go without it is quite hard!  I have a lot in my favor as well since I am not working right now.  I feel bad for the people who do this cleanse who actually have to be around food a lot!  I also happen to really enjoy lemons and anything  made with lemons so drinking lemonade all day really isn't too bad of a thing for me.  However, I do not like the flavor that the maple syrup and cayenne gives my lemonade. I would prefer straight lemon water but am sticking to the rules.

I have had little energy all day.  I went back to sleep at 11am and slept until 3:30pm which pissed me off because I have a lot of schoolwork to do.  All I got accomplished today was one final exam when I could have gotten that + another project done.

Tonight I am forced to clean my apartment because they are coming in the morning to check out my air cooler so I really need to clean.  However, I feel absolutely no motivation to do it.

I am a little bit angry and on edge today that is for sure.  Physically I got a little light headed today for some time.  Thank goodness my headache is gone though!

On a positive note...as I have discussed before I did a partial cleanse a few weeks ago so doing that for 20 days really helped me lose some inches.  The partial cleanse I did for 20 days or so was just cutting all sugar and bread out of my diet.  I was allowed as much meat and veggies as I wanted.  In the beginning I was not allowed any fruit but after a little while I incorporated fruits in and was sooooooooo grateful for their sweetness.

Today I decided to pull out some party dresses that I had bought myself a few years ago when I lived in Virginia.  When I bought them they were tight fitting and I just wanted to see if I am the same size as I was then or not.  Well they are getting pretty loose on me so that means I better at least get some pictures in them before I can't wear them at all.  These dresses are gorgeous and I only wore them a few times.  I will probably get them tailored if they get too loose.

I hate to whine but the truth is that I just want to eat again :(

Inside Just Waiting To Be Acknowledged

I really like this. You see her but your everyday "you" doesn't reflect her but she is there waiting to be acknowledged.

Made Me Smile

A picture of wild elephants that was taken in the Indian state of Kerala.   I adore these animals.

Master Cleanse Day 2-Upon Awakening

Ugh, I have a horrible headache.  I am not sure why, it could possibly be that my blood pressure is high.  Or it could be that I worked on the computer yesterday for 11 hours.  Not sure why but I don't think it is a caffeine thing because I haven't had much of it at all lately.
Truthfully, I don't even want to get out of bed.  I only had about 4 and 1/2 hours of sleep and I need to sleep more so not real sure why I am up. The more I sleep the better because that means I don't have to think about the food I am not able to eat.
I definitely feel like I want to eat today but hopefully I am able not to.  I am going to try to go back to sleep for a bit.
Once again my mood is low because I feel like I don't have much to look forward to.  Food is a huge part of my enjoyment so when I don't have it everything seems dull.

Master Cleanse Day 1-End of Day

Ok so today when I first drank my lemonade for some reason my eyes felt heavy immediately.  Yes, meaning I could barely hold them open and because I hadn't been up long and I had tons of homework to do I said to myself this has got to change quickly.
So... I have some organic cocoa nips that are just teeny about the size of a tic tac.  Knowing that these are healthy for my pineal gland and have barely any calories I chewed on them.  They don't taste pleasant and they are quite bitter but because it is cacoa in it's raw form it is pure energy.
I didn't do so well because I only had 2 glasses of lemonade all day and I think you are supposed to have 6-8 but I drank lots of water!  I mean lots!
I also made a point to go out and get some sun today because I know the vitamin d is healthy for me.  I laid out by the pool 30 minutes or so and soaked all that energy in.
I did have urges in my mind during downtime almost as if my body was saying, "Hey don't you remember that we eat when there is nothing else to do."   Lol literally I would have flashes in my head of myself eating.
Overall though I wasn't too hungry today.  I am thinking it is because I was excited about my new dance class that is starting this week.  It's great that the invite came today because it gave me some confirmation that I am on my path so to speak.
Also, I had quite a bit of schoolwork to do so I got lost in that for 6 hours straight and that kept my mind off of food.
So... to celebrate my first day of the master cleanse I am posting a teeny dance clip.  I am nowhere near feeling the way I should to start this dance class but I'm going for it anyways.  The classes are 1 hour and 45 minutes, um and I am curious to see just how long I can keep up.  Truthfully though just as I told the instructor, I am dancing for my own enjoyment so I really have no one to let down but myself.  As long as I have fun and learn a little then what more could I really ask for.
 Oh and yes I know my space is messy, I am working on getting the motivation to clean but c'mon one thing at a time.  Obviously I feel guilty about it or I wouldn't be mentioning it.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

What is Tribal Belly Dance

This is Tribal Belly Dance

So this is tribal belly dance.  As you can see the outfits and moves are a bit different than the more glamorous Egyptian style belly dance. 

Wow and Just Like That!!!!!!!!!

Today I was invited to join a tribal belly dance class being held for the next 6 weeks.  It is on a beautiful 22 acre resort.  Can you say excited?  I can and I am totally ready for this!  Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little bit about the pineal gland

Master Cleanse-Day 1 upon awakening

When  I woke up today I definitely lingered in bed.  I guess I just didn't feel like I had much to look forward to.  I am always focusing on what I am going to have for breakfast and that is what gives me the motivation to get out of bed.  Now because I know I am not going to have anything but a glass of salt water and  lemonade well let's just say that it is not a motivator.  I'm trying to remind myself that I am doing this to feel better long term.
Also I have decided to keep a dream journal throughout this cleanse.  I will keep the contents private of course.  I don't want to miss out on any insight that my dreams are providing.
It still just concerns me how the world can be so unbalanced.  Here I am going without on purpose while their are others who are going without today because they have no choice.

Mental Preparation /Master Cleanse

Ok so out of desperation to feel better I have decided to do the master cleanse.  I just feel so lethargic and blah as well as aches and pains.  My stomach is huge and I swear sometimes I find it hard to believe that it is all fat, it just seems like it is full of air or something lol I really need to get this checked in all honesty.  Ever since I had my gallbladder removed my stomach has just grown at a ridiculous rate.

I have decided to start the master cleanse tomorrow.

I am trying to prepare myself mentally because I know what it is like to go without food as I have done it several times in my life.  I usually do not enjoy it at all, that is a mild way of saying I hate it!  I think the longest I ever went without eating was 10 days and that was many years ago.

However, because a couple of weeks ago I finished a partial cleanse of no bread or sugar products as well as no caffeine-I feel like cleansing fully will not be such a huge shock.
While cleansing and detoxing off of sugar earlier I really went through hell mentally, emotionally and physically.  I told myself I wouldn't go back to sugar or junk foods but what do you know I have been letting them in here and there.  I don't feel as well since I started eating sugar and bread again-truth.

The great thing is that I haven't had any type of soda for over a month now so I'm over it.  Also, I have had very little caffeine and mostly just drink water.  I also have been consciously choosing to eat a few raw veggies daily.  I have completely cut out all flouride toothpaste and aluminum deodorants for over 2 months now.  My hair is shiny, my teeth gleam and my skin is looking pretty darn good.

I feel like I am going to take this opportunity to cleanse physically but I am also going to consciously choose to cleanse mentally and emotionally as well.  I wish I could say that I am a happy person when I cleanse/fast but the truth is I am usually extremely emotional.  I go from one extreme to the next such as complete and utter despair to flying high in the clouds with joy.  Annoying yes I know but imagine how it feels to be the one experiencing it.  I do plan on spending the majority of my cleanse alone.

I purchased most of what I needed today but the store was out of lemons.  Yeah I know crazy right.  So I bought a couple of limes and then realized tonight that it is not going to be enough to sustain me all day so I will have to go get lemons at some point tomorrow.  Also, I have decided to use olive oil instead of tea for the laxative effect at night.  So yes I am switching it up a little but only because I have used olive oil before and it works- so it saves me some $ by not having to buy the tea.

I thought that maybe I shouldn't start this cleansing during my finals week but decided that it might actually be good because then I can just put my focus on studying as a distraction to my hunger, cravings and bad moods.

I will need any prayers that anyone wants to be gracious enough to give me!  I feel like at this point in my life I am making a life or death decision.  I either change the way I eat and learn how to properly take care of my body with healthy foods and exercise or I just blubber into oblivion and die a slow, painful death.  Yes that is right it has gotten to this point.  I am not even worried about looking at the scales, I don't have any.  I don't need to know if I lose weight or how much.  I just want to kick this unhealthy food addiction  and feel better.

I am not going to do vlogs about my cleansing process but if you want to see other people who have, their are tons of them on youtube.  I probably would do a vlog except I can't stand the way I look on camera.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Going Back a Few Years

So I was contacted by an old friend which reminded me of many good times :)  I used to love to dance and perform and my friends used to get a kick out of it.
I was all about Janet for a few years and even mimicked this outfit quite a few times back when I had the body to do it.  Yes, I had to have those guess jeans she was wearing in this video.
Was thinking about it today and made me smile.  
I used to copy her hair as well ,I would spend money to get my hair permed for those Janet Jackson curls.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Yeah do that

One Thought

or perhaps you just did


Do you ever have that feeling of awareness that you have just changed in a positive way?  I have always heard that people can change in the blink of an eye but it never really truly sinks in until it happens to you.
Suddenly the way you see everything changes and it is a blessing.  A burden has been lifted off of your shoulders, a heaviness gone.
Today is just one of those days that I am so very thankful.  I am literally bathed in thankfulness.  Thank You creator for your love and patience with me.  I can be so stubborn and unwilling to face certain truths or change my attitude but you are so very patient with me until I come around.
These days are truly some of the best days of my entire life!  Despite me spending some of those days curled up in the fetal position ready to give up-choosing to allow healing in your life is not always easy.  Doing the things that are required of you to make space for that healing is what can be so overwhelming at times that you just feel like you can't do it.  I am still struggling to make healthy choices.
One thing that I can say with unwavering truth is that my entire being, the all of who I am is so very thankful.


Why Are Elephants So Adorable

Kalbelia Dance

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

See We Aren't SO Different

If it weren't for the language difference I would think I was back home in KY listening to some mountain music!

Took off the dancing videos

Yes, thank you for your kind comment and I am flattered however, I did not put the dancing blogs up as a sexual thing.  I was mainly working my hips because focusing on the hip area is supposed to help relieve menstrual pain.
So I decided to delete them because I am really not seeking that sort of attention at this time. 
This is a blog about healing and although I realize sexuality is very healing, my intentions were not focused on that type of healing when I put the dance blogs up.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Why I Like Taylor

Say what you want about her but this lady is brilliant.  I have a lot of respect for how she believed in herself from a very young age and went for her dreams full force.
If only all of us could be so blessed as to really believe in ourselves and what our hearts are trying to speak to the world whether it be singing, baking, homesteading whatever it may be. 
Also, I have tons of respect for her parents who were smart enough to be extremely supportive of her.  What a difference that would make if we could just be supportive of our friends and loved ones.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Really Interesting People

Getting to know people that I find interesting is important to me.  Sure some of these people I may never meet face to face but I really enjoy watching other people's videos etc.

 This lady cracks me up...

Unrequited Love

Can't Sleep

I am fond of this song but I try not to listen to it because it is sad.  I like the video because I can relate to spending time in the bathtub just like she is doing, contemplating, crying and feeling stupid and helpless. 

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Love Child

My mom always said that this was my song, she said she always thought of me every time she heard it ...

Taylor Swift Red...love this song yay

A New Dream-Healing

Ok so it's been awhile, a long while since I had a new dream.  I don't think that this dream is new it's just possibly a really old dream coming to surface now that it is safe to do so-so it makes it feel new.
I am excited to go to India and study dance.  I will start off by studying what I can here but when I get the opportunity I am going to India to dance for a few months, maybe even years.
At this time my body is not accustomed to this style of dance at all and my weight and clumsiness makes the jumps and bounciness quite difficult.
However, I completely adore Bollywood :D  really makes me feel joy watching, hearing and doing.  I must learn this dance style!

Monday, April 15, 2013


I have always been told that knowledge is power.  Power? Hmmm for me knowledge is different things at different times.
Knowledge murders my fantasies and most of my beliefs. Knowledge leaves me with a full slate that knows it will be erased again when the next round of murderous information violently snatches me from my peaceful mind trail walks.
Other times knowledge is like that gift I receive from someone at Christmas who wanted to be nice but doesn't know me well enough to choose to my liking.  So The knowledge sits there and I stare at it wondering where it will go or if I should give it to someone else or perhaps box it up in the closet in case I figure out a use for it someday.  Someday I might need it right?  Probably not because it is likely that the gift is a color I dislike or maybe it is a country decor and I am Morrocan inspired.
Sometimes it is the long awaited for lover that passionately twirls me around in an energetic dance then pushes me down and forces me to orgasm on  command.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

lol I find this info quite healing

With Appetite for Destruction turning 25 tomorrow, Fuse spoke with legendary shredder Slash about Guns N' Roses' hard rock masterpiece and learned some… interesting things about the song "Paradise City."
"'Take me down to the Paradise City where the girls are fat and they got big titties,' I think that was my original lyric for it and the other guys changed it," Slash tells us, a smile creeping out from under his ever-present top hat, shades and curly locks. "We all thought it was funny but it wasn't going to make it on the album. I think that's how it went."

Friday, April 5, 2013

Oh Taylor It's Ok because We have All Been There

Yes we have all been there but I thought at some point that we are supposed to grow out of it ;) you know possibly see it coming and actually choose not to go there. Unlike some of us who have to learn the same darn lesson over and over, nope I am not talking about myself at all :D
The real trouble is not the actual person we allow into our lives but rather the expectations we have about the person.  When they don't live up to our expectations it is a hard fall from our fantasy world to reality!
 However, it sure would have been nice to make a few millions off of my heartache and tears ;)
 I find this song and video very healing because I have been through this before so...

Check out this group

Was contacted by this group on youtube and wow I actually enjoy them a lot and want to share!